Another year, another semester
The beginning of a new semester. Starts on monday, with a silly break in between and then back to schoo at 8am on thursday. How funny and odd! Hehe. Doesnt really matter lar anyway, since i'm so used to having 8am classes. I've had them consecutively since 2 sems ago, and all of them are like on thursdays. Haha! Oh no, i think thursdays are like my early days i guess. I've been pretty much on an emotion roller-coaster ride the past few days, but feeling low pretty much most of the time. But i think i shouldn't bother too much about the opinions of others coz others are not going to make me happier or care too much about me, of course with the exception of my close friends and family members. Those are the people that matters to me and it shall stay that way. With all that said, i also hope that unhappy matters won't drag for long, because the longer we drag it, the more unhappy everyone's gonna be. And it's kinda like the last semester anyway, if no one's like taking honours. Haiz. Supposed to start working soon already. It's scary. =(

Judgement Day
I'm actually writing this in here coz i think it'll be less of a chance someone actually reads it. I went over to someone's house yesterday, and let's just say that it went horribly wrong lar. To the extent that someone else said that they are starting to get bad impression of me. Before i actually go on, let me just make it clear that i do not mean anything, except that i just need an outlet to get it off my chest, and bitch about it coz i just can't stand it. So please, to those who read it, i do not mean any offence. I just had to put that down. Okies, back to my topic. Hmm, my house visit went wrong coz of a sister who was too straight-laced in my opinion. And without any tact too. But that i can still stomach it. The thing that i can't stomach was the fact that she said that she was getting a bad impression of me. Coz harloe, for goodness sake, you do not even bother to greet/acknowledge my presence much less know me as a person. So what right do you have to judge me when you do not even know me. Plus i do not think you have the right too, since firstly you didn't give me life and secondly you're not god. We'll all have our own judgement day soon enough when we die, so i doubt i'll need you to judge me at this moment. Which is why i think that people who like to judge others are really very shallow people, coz we are always trying to find ourselves at every point in our lives. So if we do know even know who we are or what we wanna be, how the hell can we afford to judge others? I guess it's more fair if we let time tell what the character of a person. We never know when we'll be surprised. Why do we insist on looking at others thru coloured lenses?

December 31 2005
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: Life... In General
ALl i should just say is that i'm thankful for having made it through another year. As i look back on the past year, let me recount the top 5 best things that have happened to me this year, and if possible i wish i could have more of. And i'll look at the top 5 worst things that happened to me this year and hope that i can have as little as possible of or better yet, not have any of in the year 2006.

Top 5 best things:
1. To be blessed with the gift of life and health.
2. To have been able to explore more parts of Malaysia. Thanks Mike, for taking me to Sabah, for i'll never get the chance to if you didnt bring me along. =) I would love to be able to travel more in the coming year!
3. The love of my friends and family
4. Unexpectedly good results for my exams
5. Keeping really fit with swimming and the gym (thus looking fabulous!!!) =)

Top 5 Worst things:
1. Being dumped and not knowing the reason
2. Unhappiness amongst friends
3. Terrible birthdays
4. Pimple outbreaks! In the midst of one now! =(
5. Superficial friends who come to you only when they need you.

My 2006 wish list:
1. To maintain my clean bill of health
2. Birkenstock sandals
3. To have an entire collection of M.A.C make-up. And for that matter, more clothes, shoes, bags, accessories, and make-up!!!!
4. To be able to visit New Zealand
5. Get good enough grades for a decent Bachelors Degree with Honours.
6. To be able to let go of the past.
7. To be get a pretty good job during the june vacation
8. To visit Australia in December, especially Surfers' Paradise with Donnie. We'll get really tanned i promise
9. To have more gathering with friends where everyone's not rushing off to anywhere. And i really do hope that things between my friends will turn out fine.
10. To get an ipod for christmas this year!

Basically to sum it all up, I'm glad to have made it through 2005. It may not be all ups, but i've certainly become a stronger person. I've learnt to grow up and deal with the setbacks. All said, i really do wish that 2006 will be a good year filled with peace, love, warmth for everyone and that all wishes will be fulfilled and dreams realised! =)

It's all one very vicious cycle.
Whoa, looking back at the previous entry, i never knew i could be such an evil pin-pointing, fault-finding witch. Wahahaha. But it's over le lah. I guess it's just a spur of the moment thing. With reference to no one in particular. So nope, Miss Li, not mad with you lar... already said not pin-pointing to anyone in particular le.. hehe.. And i have to say thanks to all the people who have left me msges on my tag board. I hope the site has been of some use to those who have read it, whoever you are, wherever you are from. =) Thanks for the readership.. Will try to improve it when i have the time.

For anyone's information, Mike called me very early this morning, on his very own accord. I was very surprised that he actually did so, coz it's something that seems to happen only once in a very very very blue moon. I must say that for that 5:24 mins that we talked over the phone, a part of me felt as if i was the luckiest girl on the face of this earth. I thought that he would never ever call me again, at least not on his own accord. But he did. And i'm glad. Very glad. At least that was my initial reaction lar. While part of me felt really on top of the world, the other part kinda like felt really confused. It's like i was so prepared to move on, all ready to try and give ZY a chance to see if anything'll develop, and for once take Mike off the pedestal that i've built and set him on. And he decides to call, telling me some news regarding him. He told me about his bro getting married in july, and told me about seriously re-considering his decision to do his placement year there and instead move on to third yr of studies straight. Is this his way of showing me that he misses me? Is this way of showing me that he's concerned about the things that goes on in my life? Is this his very subtle way of telling me that he doesnt want me to really walk out of his life? Is there really a second chance for the 2 of us? If he really came back to me, is this what i really do want still? Is it going to feel as right as it once did? Am i really going to be able to forgive him so readily for breaking my heart to pieces? Is he coming back to me? Is is fair that he decides to come back to me just as i'm starting to pick up the pieces and to get a move on with my life? Is there anything important he wants to say to me coz it sounded like he did, but just did not know how to go about it. A million questions whirling through my mind. So many questions, yet not a single answer came to me even as i thought abt it for a long time. I really do not know what i want anymore, neither do i know what's right. ZY has been really great to me. I'm so afraid of hurting him. If i went back to Mike would everything that he has done for me go to waste? Am i letting him down? Am i doing the right thing by going back to Mike? Would he do the same as Mike did, leave me and break my heart to a million pieces? I'm scared to ever try anything again. I enjoy this feeling of there-but-not-there-yet kinda excitement, but at the same time, i keep thinking that it's not right, i'm being unfaithful to Mike and insulting every single memory of him by being together with ZY. But yet... I really do not know. Why? Why did you let me go in the first place Mike? Why put me through all this? Did you really love me? Or were you just looking for someone to have a good time with only to leave them?

I just wanna be irritated for once...
Before you read on, let me just say that this is going to be a really bitchy entry. I'm just irritated for a few reasons.
1. It's the time of the month.
2. I was rudely awoken from my slumber despite not feeling well.
3. Irritate each other all you want, but don expect me to clear up the mess after that.
Everything said and done, no matter what unhappiness has transpired between me and Mike, i can safely say that there are quite a number of things that i've learnt from Mike, and i'm really grateful for them. I mean it! Let's just say that recently there've been some unhappiness between my close friends, and to simply put it, human beings are always selfish by nature. By this, i'm not pin-pointing at anyone in particular, blaming them for anything, but if you seriously think about it, it's kinda true after all. There's no such thing as i'll do anything in the world for you without any strings attached. The friends that we have, are we really going to do anything in our power for our friends? I used to think that i was quite willing to help my friends in their school work, ready to lend them my notes and discuss stuff with them, but then i realised that when i need them to do the same in return for me, it's not kinda like a mutual thing. Like when i decide to call my friends to ask abt sch work, it's like i'll give that oh-i'm-half-dead-from-all-that-studying-so-i-have-the-right-to-give-you-the-attitude kinda tone. It's like come on lor, you're not the only person in the entire world that has schoolwork to cope with. And so i learnt to depend on myself by coming to lectures on time. And at times i seriously do not see y the hell i shoulde lend my friends notes when they happily decide that they'll saunter into class like half and hr or later and say that they cant help it that they woke up late or that they cant get any transport, coz i believe that if you know you have a class the next day, as a student it's on your responsibility to actually try and make it on time. Late, yes i can understand, but not like wat half an hr or more.. It's quite embarrassing actually, kinda like you're not taking your studies seriously since you're late and the reason you give is actually quite trival. If you think you're gonna miss the bus, then leave the house earlier. So i seriously do not see why i should let them copy my notes at times.
The one thing that Mike made me see was the fact that we are always victimising ourselves. We always tend to say that oh we are all so willing to go the extra mile for our friends and stuff like that, but no one ever is willing to do the same for us. But i guess the most important thing we should do is to look at ourselves first before complaining and think about whether we are such angels. Its normal to expect your friends to hang up after you tell them that you were sleeping, and to keep pressing on with whatever you wanted to say is just plain rude. Especially if they weren't feeling too good. And for the record there are some idoits out there like me who prefer to sleep early. So do not call me past 1230am coz i am most likely asleep and i do not want to be disturbed unnecessarily. Just leave me a msg if it's really that urgent. I'll get back to you naturally.
So everything said and done, i wont say i'm totally faultless, especially about the part where my friend was saying we're all rushing off somewhere. Ultimately we are all selfish creatures. I once was willing to spend my time with girls night out, but everyone was just rushing off i didnt see the point anymore. Stop victimising yourself too much, and know that people dun really give a shit. That, tho ugly, is part of human nature. Welcome to the real world folks.

Missing Everyone...
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: JJ Lin
Topic: Life... In General
I MISS DONNIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

I miss my fellow tai-tai wannabe. She's in Thailand now, and gonna be there all through December. We're supposed to be going to the gym everyday. we're supposed to stuff ourselves silly with cranberry muffins and 99 cents sushi. We're supposed to be sitting at coffee bean at wheelock place waiting for gabs and ozy to pick us up. we're supposed to have christmas dinner potluck at her place and have a great time ripping open our presents. we're supposed to be watching every single movie and eat popcorn til we're popping. Haha...

I went to catch pride and prejudice, which was pretty good albeit the hasty ending. Christmas is coming, i'm off to christmas shopping... Take care everyone...

Been the same...
Mood:  lucky
Now Playing: Alex Fong
It's been such a long time since i ever updated this blog. Its been after the exams already, but somehow the exams this sem abit scary, coz of the stupid PS paper that i took lar. Spoil everything also. Sickening man. I'm preparing to take like 6 mods next sem coz i'm afraid the PS module will drag down my CAP scores, so i wanna take another extra one so that i can include it in. Die man. This sem I have to consider how to allocate my General Account points in order to do everything successfully. Sian. I havent even planned my timetable for the next sem. Seems like i've loads of things to do this holidays wor. I seriously hope i dun do too badly for the PS paper. And the last time i checked out my tag board, i see funny funny names from i dunno who also. All say wat on my blog they found info that they need. Dunno if these people are real or not, and dun even know who they are. Sian.

And Donnie, can i have my photos before you leave for thailand?? Thanks.

Weird day..
Can you believe this?!

Mike and i actually talked on the phone.. How weird... k lah, in lecture, more of this later..

I walk on...
Will i ever truly be able to move on and get over mike? Will i ever be able to give so unselfishly and be so trusting again?

I walk on by and i wonder. The road ahead seems dark and bleak...

My other space...
go check out the other blog that i'll be also writing in... I'm keeping both!

http://spaces.msn.com/members/princess-crux/